On the three and half our trip to Connecticut, where I was sharing half my seat with the overweight person next to me, Mike and I decided to pass some time. Remember that game where you speak only with questions? This is our version:

Mike: Hello rachael, how are you doing?
Rachael: I want off this plane.
M:I have a bomb in my underwear, we are going to cuba.
R: Is it brown?
M: Brown and stinky can you deal with that?
R: Just like a Cuban huh?
M: Have you found Cubans to be like that in the bedroom?
R: Was it a dirty Cuban? In the bedroom? With a, er, candlestick?
M: How can I tell, he called it a candlestick when he kept telling me to blow it out.
R: So it’s confirmed?
M: Why should I be talking to you about such private matters?
R: Didn’t I just hear him yesterday telling everyone how good it was for you?
M: Wasn’t that right after he got done towling you off?
R: Oh that?
M: How can you be so passé about the most incredible 20 seconds of your life?
R: It lasted that long?
M: When will you stop judging me?
R: Weren’t we talking about Cubans? Sweaty Cubans?
M: Is that the mouth you use around your parents?
R: Didn’t my mom teach me well?
M: Do you know what I thought you were going to write; didn’t my mom teabag me?
R: What does that mean?
M: Don’t you think it’s a little late in life for me to be explaining this stuff to you?
R: How do you expect my mom to teach me everything?
M: Gotta lotta of what? Deeds to do?
...
M: How do you feel about enimas?
R: Why are you asking me?
M: Would you like me to give you one?
R: Are you a doctor?
M: Don’t I look like one?
R: Does this remind you of anything?
M: Does that night we spent in that Mexican prison have anything to do with this?
R: Can you repay me for the months and months of therapy you just reversed by bringing that back up?
M: Can I work off through sex?
R: Won’t that take too long?
M: Can you take some time off of work?
R: What kind of down payment are we talking about?
M: Do you accept food stamps?
R: How many of these people do you think are members of the mile high club?
M: Wouldn’t you say at least one? How many people joined on this flight?
R: How did we get seats right next to the bathroom and not capitalize?
M: Do you remember me asking you? Wouldn’t you say that we missed the boat?
R: Aren’t we on a plane? There’s motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking boat!?!
M: When did you become a large black man?
R: How many times do I have to tell you things change when you go to cuba for the weekend?
M: Is it true? Once you go black you don’t go back?
R: Have you ever tasted brown sugar? I thought you knew I prefer mocha java?
M: Can you tell me how you lost your leg?
R: Is this plane going down? JK JK. Have I ever told you about the night I went Honky Tonkin?
M: Why can’t I seem to recall that story?
R: Do you know where Anna is? And have you heard of the Coyote Den? Que? Why does my boob itch?
M: Do you have a yeast infection that you got from Napolean’s face? Or maybe you have a degree from the UTI?
R: Can you take me to the doctor to have this checked up? I think maybe I was downwind from [name changed to protect the not so innocent]???
M: I thought that I already told you that I am a doctor? If you have a second I look at it right now.
R: Where’s your white coat?
M: Aren’t cutbacks a motherfucker? Why is it my hospital won’t get me anything useful except tongue depressers?
R: How can you question the usefulness of tongue depressers? Shouldn’t you be thankful?
M: Why don’t you go screw yourself with a tongue depresser and then tell how useful you think they are?
R: Can you throw in a bottle of Vaseline?
M: For you? Do you think you deserve it?
R: I don’t need your stinking tongue depresser then!!