It's funny to be sitting at my desk, look out the window and see the cat that was only a couple of minutes ago laying across my keyboard running around outside. I didn't let him outside and no one else is in the house. Major has recently figured out how to open the door and lets himself outside whenever he feels like roaming around. That shit ain't right!

disconnected ramblings

This dreary weather for the past 2 weeks or so is starting to get to me. I was really wishing today that I was in sunny California so I could go outside without having to put on a ton of clothing.

A conversation I was having earlier got me to thinking again about how much I want to travel and how I might possibly be able to do so in the near future. Sure I will be seeing over a hundred new places this summer, which sounds promising until I'm reminded of the fact that I will be seeing them for only about an hour as I ride on through them on my bike. Hopefully I'll get to explore at least a little bit in some of the cities.

Each day I'm wavering more and more about my decision to pursue flying after I graduate. It's got nothing to do with flying and everything to do with the fact that the military lifestyle is not one I want to live. I've wanted to fly more than anything my entire life, and always just considered the military as a means to an end, but I don't know if I can compromise myself that much for that long. Playing softball at Texas has given me some perspective on a similar situation. Although I don't regret playing for the 2 years I was there, I was definitely unhappy a large part of the time. I was playing the sport that I absolutely love, made great friends, and got to experience some once in a lifetime opportunities, but, obviously, I ultimately decided even those things were not worth my unhappiness. I could apply the same logic to flying, but in this case what scares me is that it would be a much larger--at least 4 year--commitment. And if I didnt' make the cut as a pilot I'd get thrown into something else which I most likely would dislike.

I recently have begun to be not so bummed out about the fact that some of my best friends have moved very far away from me--we're talking about opposite coasts--and today Wilson tells me she'll most likely be moving back to Houston in 6 months. Yeah it's just H-town, but what's a girl to do without her big sister?

ooooh mmm yeah, that's nice

Here's a little update for you loyal loyal reader(s) of mine. I'm alive and well and glad that school has started. Although it will be a work intensive semester academically (as well as with Texas 4000 and at the Sport Shop), I'm really excited about my classes. Hopefully I'll be able to maintain the level of motivation I've had so far to do well in my classes and finally pull off what has been to me, that elusive 4.0.

I've been reading as much as I can about the world (vague huh?), religion, listening to stimulating music, thinking A LOT and having some super conversations (which I've been missing in general) with some people.

I'm definitely taking a new approach to things, one that makes motivating myself come much more easily. I'm getting back to my old self and that is nice since I've been missing aspects of myself for the past 2 years. I'm getting back to my "let's go!" self that I was my freshman year with a little more wisdom in my head to keep myself in check and (hopefully) not make the same mistakes that I did that year to get me derailled in the first place. All the while I'm still figuring out how I feel about the world and my life and where both are going, independently of each other and because of each other. In other words, how I want to live my life, how the world is functioning and whether I should try to really apply myself to making the world function more properly or just exploit the world to create a plush lifestyle for myself. That's kind of a whole other issue to get into though.

I've rid myself (for the most part) of a cancerous burden that has been dragging me down and muddling the picture of where I want my life to go for some time and that is one of the things that has liberated me to pursue my life again. I'm seeing things more clearly than I have in quite some time which is fantasticly satisfying and extremely exciting since it's mearly the tip of what's to come.

On a lighter note, I've finally given in to myspace since, but I'm keeping it real on there. Only people who are my close friends are on my page (with only an exception or two). I am getting off of facebook too, since it has become even more invasive than myspace, which was one of my problems with myspace in the first place.

If we haven't spoken in a while, drop a line. I'd love to hear from you and you and you.