I'll be alright long as I ain't seen it all

As I was listening to Death Cab while working today, which I haven't listened to in a long time, I was thinking about how freaking deep their songs are. It got me to thinking about this bloggiddy blog here, and where I was when I began it. Well, not so much about where I was then, but where I am now. Very very far from there. Like those songs, I was in a deep place for a lot of reasons, but mostly, I think, because of lack of reference. And I was putting a lot of importance on the things that were happening. There was not a lot of hope or happiness trickling in. It was all buried somewhere deep inside.

Now, I am certainly still deep and analytical and "depraved and perverted". But geez, I think I've come a long way. I am incredibly happy and stimulated and fulfilled. And yes, I still think about some things way too much and get wrapped up in my sometimes silly ideas. But I feel like I have a lot more discretion and am more rational about things that are happening around me. I may or may not believe that, but I do feel better these days about my fucked up little reality.

I have a restored faith in a few of the more important people in my life, I am being creative, and I feel in control. And, I'm not holding on so tight to the things that aren't up to me.

So as I take in a confident breath, I relieve a sigh of contentment.